This question has been weighing on my mind lately. And not in a negative, 'I hope no one ever has another kid' kind of way. Just some of my deep pondering about issues of non importance. My mom is worried that after working this job I won't want kids of my own and to be honest I really question whether I do want children of my own or not. I look at Clarence and I wonder what he will be when he grows up. He loves to play ball and seems to improve at it everyday. Maybe he will play football professionally someday. I can tell people that I played ball with him when he was only a mere two years old--I taught him to catch (okay, he still can't catch, but we get closer everyday). He loves to sit and play piano so maybe he will be involved in music and compose a song that the whole world will sing. Maybe it will be about the nanny that he had for a year who used to sing him 'You are my Sunshine" every night before bed. He loves bath time, so maybe he will be a swimmer, although he does hate getting his face and hair wet, so maybe not. Whatever he will be, what kind of world will he be it in? Do we have children with the hope that the world we live in is getting better? Do we believe that we are helping to shape our world into something better for our children? Maybe that is why people have kids...because having them gives you the drive to make the world a better place for them.
I will probably have kids of my own someday. I keep believing that someday the 'settling down' itch will begin to need scratching; maybe it's started a little bit by being here and missing home and my own place. Whenever I do have kids though I want to make sure I'm ready to give them the things they need--compassion, patience, my full attention, humor, and a lot of my time. I don't want them to become just another distraction in a life that I am not pleased with. I want to bring them into a world that I have faith in and that they have a chance to improve.
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