So, today I think I have discovered my inability to focus on any one thing while I am by myself. This discovery being made upon discovering the website http://www.tv-links.co.uk/
This website contains links to different television series and cartoons, including five seasons of my beloved Twilight Zone. I have been unable to watch an entire episode of anything while I have been alone. I then noticed the fact that I can only work on homework for about a ten minute stretch and then I must take a break and do something else. I continually change what I am doing. I have vacuumed the floor, made myself a cup of tea, worked on my paper, watched a bit of three different shows, washed the dishes, and cut out some pieces of material for a shirt I hope to make...and I have only been alone for two hours now. Is this just because I have to write a paper or do I always do this? I am bad with follow through I think. I don't mind starting things, but when it comes to finishing them...that tends to be a different story. Though I did finish making myself a cup of tea, but who knows if I will actually finish drinking it.
I am ready to be done with school. I think there are only so many years that a person can inflict upon themselves of studying and putting themselves through the anxiety of papers and tests. I think I am reaching my point of delirium.
Pittsburgh is nice. I find when I have to write about actual events in my life it is difficult. I just tend to write about the random thoughts and feelings I have. Right this moment I tried to think of some kind of event to relay to you my reading public, but could not think of anything. It has been snowing in Pittsburgh which of course puts me in the Christmas spirit. No surprise that Christmas has already passed and I am nearly a month late in getting in the spirit. So I make a proposal for next year...no Holiday celebrations until after the first big snow...
So, another semester has begun. As I continue to sit on the same couch, that resides in the same corner of the same apartment, in the same city, that I found myself at a month ago I wonder about change. This is the first January since my highschool graduation that I find myself in a seemingly un-new environment. The classes I attend may be new ones but they possess faces of familarity as my path crosses again with the same people in this supposedly densly populated university. It feels akward to me not have to adapt to something new. People asking me how my Christmas break was, asking me detailed questions about plans they had been informed of before it even took place. No nervous introductions, no arranging of spaces, no sleepless expectation. Have I traded the exciting feel of change for an attempt at a comfort zone? I doubt it. I have buckled down in an attempt at what I started three years ago. I wonder who told me three years ago that I was in an adequate position to know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Why college? College wouldn't be so bad if it involved no debt. I could see it being the springboard into a slew of opportuniteies. As it is sometimes all I see after college is the debt that follows. I try to forget...it is best that way. Opporutunities await. Experience awaits. Money can be a chain that binds the imaginations and stops the dreamer. All that is needed is enough and no more.
There was noise where there was usually silence and no one even noticed. If they had noticed then surely the regulars would be thankful for the supposedly uncomfortable silence to be cut out of their routine. Appreciation of art and religion had been lost and with it the appreciation of silence.
