What would I have been had I stayed in Bedford?
What would I have been had I stayed at VFCC?
What would I have been had I stayed at Greensburg?
What would I have been had I stayed in London?
What wouldl I become if I stay in Pittsburgh?
What would I become if I stayed in Singapore?
What would I become if I stayed in _________?
What would I become if I only ever stayed in one place?
Thinking about the space that a person occupies. I once did a report on space and the effect it has on a person. I am currently reading an excert from a book called The Sacred and the Profane in which the author, Eliade, discusses sacred spaces. Sacred space must have a center that is either revealed by the god or provoked of the god. These centers create the world of the believer, making space sacred...all that falls without is profane/evil/unknown. One religion carries the 'center' with them in the form of a holy stick so that all that they come across is within the sacred space. Once when the holy stick was destroyed the group was sent into utter chaos and so all lay down to die.
Suprisingly, lately I have found myself thinking back to VFCC quite a bit. Sometimes I almost feel as though I miss the protection I felt there. I felt confident there in my beliefs, my work, my friends. I experienced no opposition to what I believed, what work I did, or with who my friends were. But the more I have thought about it I realize that I was stagnant while I was there. Since leaving I have had my fair share of conflict and hard times, but I have become stronger. I have developed a love of life that I did not have there. I have seen the remarkable complexity of humanity, religion, and emotions...all this challenging me and forcing me to become something. I went to a glass workshop the other day...
The glass has to be taken directly out of the fire, when it is the consistency of honey, to shape it into anything. You could not directly touch the glass to shape it into anything, you had to use something other than yourself to shape it. It was scary for me because I was always afraid I was somehow going to burn myself. After I had done it though I realized that I would take the chance/the fear of burning myself again to be able to continue to work with glass and to continue to be able to shape it into something. I think life is a little bit like that for me...sometimes the place that I am and the things that I am doing/studying make me afraid that I will do something wrong or get hurt, but in the end I see that the thing that I am doing is worth the risk. You have to risk the fire in order to have something beautiful. I am not sure my thoughts could come out anymore corney than that. I am tired and thoughtful. I am reflective.
So just recently my job at the Office of International Services suggested that we their employees take a Myers Briggs test in order to identify the personalities in the office and conclude how we best relate and work with one another. A quick summary of the Myers Briggs would state that it is a personality test that pin points one's personality into four categories giving an individual four letters to relate themselves to; in my case I am INFP. INFP means I am to the entire right side of the scale, there being two sides of the scale with most people falling throughout the scale, rather than to either end. Here a humorous note to add is that while i am entirely on the right side of the scale my supervisor at work is entirely on the left. Anyways, back to my thoughts on the matter...As I was going over the results I was amazed at the accuracy of how the test had suceeded in labeling me as an individual with a working personality. I am an idealist, I am sensitive, I enjoy reading discussing and reflecting on possibilities for positive change, I am committed to a strong personal belief system....As I marveled at all these bits and pieces of my personality being suddenly revealed to me clearly by the written word and the authority of Myers Briggs my loving roommate made a comment about how I might find bits of my personality in any result and agree with it (was my roomate saying I was flippant? easily swayed by the words of others? No way, she was pointing out a real truth). And that comment led me to think and to write this entry...Are we to quick to allow others to label our personality? There are so many people in this world who seem to thrive by telling others exactly what they think they are, "You are stubborn!" We hear these words from others, and usually, we can see how they are right and so we accept their words and use them as an excuse to continue being that thing or if we weren't really already that thing we allow ourselves to become it. Now granted Myers Briggs didn't have that many negative things to say about personalities in general; if they did they tried to present it in a good light, and maybe in a way that suggested a way to change. This test has just made me question who I am listening to when it comes to what I am. There are enough people in the world who are to fearful to come face to face with the person they are so they feel the need to continually label other people. I think an important part of taking in what others say about you is to have some kind of standing on who you believe yourself to be already. We had to guess what we thought our personality was before we were allowed to read the results of our test; I guessed mine almost dead on. I belief I know who I am, including the parts that I need to work on.
Last night I went to see the band Mewithoutyou again. Another wonderful experience. Their music and the way in which they live their lives continues to be a strong influence in the way I lead mine. I was excited to take someone who hadn't seen them before with me and watch as they to were effected by their strong on-stage performance. I once tried to capture the feeling of a Mewithoutyou show into words and it didn't work, so I won't really try again.
To conclude Myers Briggs also had this to say about me:
"INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper"
I guess that's why I write these random entries.
